That God’s plan is so much greater than what I can scarcely imagine, based on the faint examples the world has to give.
That my aim is simply to know God better and His ideas and thoughts, to be completely myself and aligned with His plan, and that it is entirely unique. That the paths of others are no guideline whatsoever to my own.
To be unafraid to be what He has called me to be.
It’s completely perverse that we are sitting pretty in this cushy little bubble when there’s so much need at our doorstep.
Is it the end of 2010? Seriously?
2010 has kicked some serious ass. So many unexpected firsts for me, I am going to have some serious expectations for next year.
I have been a very bad blogger. I haven’t even blogged about Korea from, eh, September, even though it was the best trip in my life.
There has been lots of fun. There has been lots of joy. There has been lots of pain. There has been lots of fear. There has been lots of stepping out. There has been lots of stupidity. There has been lots of strength. So much to say.
Which I will do. Soon.
Another excellent article for bookmarking: I should start with No. 50 0_0.
What I will be doing sometime soon..
Said Kurt Cobain: “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” I had a similar revelation. That is all very wise until you hit the rut of who is this “you”? What is your purpose?
Elizabeth Elliot pointed out this image in a “pouring out of self” from Isaiah 58:10-12:
10if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
11And the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
12 And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.
Living is not just merely static, but an outflow of something. Howard Hendricks famously said that “The effective teacher always teaches from the overflow of a full life.“
This pouring out doesn’t come without cost and inconvenience, of course. DA Carson reminds that “Love is not spongy sentimentality; it is intensely practical.”
Uncomfortably (or comfortably!), my sister sent me Proverbs 31 as an encouragement which echoes the same sentiment:
8 “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Last December, God spoke to me about foreign workers as He brought my attention to them on the bus. A few months back, a solo prayer walk again brought my attention back to the same group. Around the same time, I had to wade through the uncomfortable issue that maids who come to Singapore often never have properly written contracts, or contracts at all.
And again, in yesterday’s quiet time, Psalm 82:
3 Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
4 Rescue the weak and needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.
Lead me where You will.
1) BLOG regularly. And I want to be as honest as possible, and for my blog to always remain public. Because no matter how egocentric this may sound, you never know when what you write may touch and help someone in some small way. Because I have encountered blogs that have been such a great source of encouragement to me.
And I know that in all the times I took the time to write down something that really mattered to me, I have never regretted. Because I was able to look back and learn.
What I did regret was having breaks where I just didn’t blog, because I was going through a period where I wasn’t too happy with my life and not blogging was just a side-effect of pretending everything is ok. But it is so important to look at your life so you know what you did wrong.
I think my blogging has always beens sporadic and prone to long silences. But I do believe that writing is definitely one of the ways I express myself, and discover new things I never knew were there, and developing and expanding on thoughts just pooling in my head, which would have just continued pooling in my head had I not sat down to write about them! It’s the best way I thrash things out with myself. All in all, it’s a healthy activity for both myself and others, so I say, let’s get on with it. It takes time, but it’s always worth it when you share a part of yourself with others, and accepting myself in all my flaws.
I kept a journal in a past that wasn’t regular, but when I wrote in it, I liked how I was able to really grow and expand my mind with it. The plus with a journal is also how I could write in as disorganized and honest a fashion I liked. Good reasons, but nonetheless, selfish ones. However, the bad part was that journals tend to get tucked under other books and things on my desk, and I tend to not like taking it out to read when I’m in one of my avoidant tendencies. With a blog, I’m forced to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense to others, which in fact teaches me also to learn how to put across my opinions to others in conversations in a way that they can understand. Because it would lack a point if I had this point I thought would be helpful to someone, but she didn’t get it because it got lost in translation? I think sometimes I should have just taken Comms as a major. And a blog is something I would be forced to constantly read because the Internet is something I cannot avoid, the addict that I am. So I would also be reminded of the things I need to think through. Furthermore, it’s all public. You can’t hide from the world that you went back on a promise you made to yourself because all will know it too.
2) I think another part of this is the need for me to learn to be an open book. Anyone who knows me well enough would know that I absolutely hate sharing about myself with others. And how difficult I find it to express my feelings and thoughts. I think this just is a reflection of inbuilt fear of what I say being stupid, and not being comfortable with who I am. I have been this way pretty much all my life. I think the more I write honestly, the easier it will be to say in real life as well.
Happy new year!
2005 felt… long.
For 2006, I want to challenge myself to
Do something everyday that scares me.
I’ve stopped procrastinating 
Really! And I really hope to keep up my drive which came from goodness knows where, to continue.
Except when it comes to blogging. I always delay several days to blog about something I meant to blog about. But it’s not an important duty, is it? 
A little tired of moodswings that I have come to associate with school.
Yesterday was great, even though I had to go back to school on a public holiday for my first class of the term. Had a big breakfast at Botanic Gardens, then went to Novena to read textbooks. What a way to spend the new year. But I actually enjoyed myself. Novena is freaking nice place to stay lah. And Novena Square fountain area has like the perfect temperature, and the chairs outside Macs are extremely comfortable for sitting in for long periods of time. They’re more comfortable then my desk chair at home, seriously. Felt quite productive.
And today dragged really low.
I’m grateful ‘cos I’m getting lots of good profs this term Must make full use of them.
A lovely, lovely, song to check out: Your Ex-Lover is Dead, by Stars.
